i don't know why i fight God
perhaps She reminds me of my mother
who beat me again and again
who  yelled and screamed at her husband
and me, a substitute for the man called dad

i don't know why i hate the gods
all those no-gods that plague my life
the mean the sneer the noon-caring monsters
with other peoples' fears and mindless smears

some fault me for my heightened angers
not caring to bear the revelations in pebbled sounds
but perhaps i curse not the God that is real
as much as the minor gods who believe themselves
more real than the Hidden Ear there for every sound

i don't know why i tear when beauty clears my head
when the burdened color red smears across the plain
or ripen fruit in soft vestry resting in bowls of blue
or stretch themselves across a table-top like a prayer
resting like Eucharist on the tongue of an open sill

i dig for answers hiding beneath the shoveled snow
grovel through garbage piles at the city dump
search for treasures that will free my heart
but the stench of the Fall gathers me in filth
as i flee for my life about to be buried over my head
neath the drainage off the rotting smiles of the wrong

but God's here somewhere somewhere waiting somewhere
in a leaf a pear an apple strong-red somewhere
and i walk on picking at some sign of Presence
amongst the orange the pear the  people before whom i swear
everywhere somewhere somehow somewhere
awaiting the day of discovery that's behind the search somewhere