Don't know

God what is it I want:

You or some substitute;

some creature that needs faith

while blocking You from the frame?

I don't know at times.

I feel lost and abandoned:

out on the prairie

while tornadoes bear down

to suck me into their mouths

taking me where I would not go

You not being around.

Where should I go to expect to arrive:

to a heaven annexed to hell?

I don't know.

I feel companioned

like a psycho talking to himself

to whatever self can be found.

Touch me as I cry for help.

Let me know You're somewhere 'round

that I might grab some hope

some pole with a flag of truce

white like people who've damned me

assigned me to non-personhood

those years when that was chic.

Turn toward me.

Kneel beside me at bedside

where the angels weep

and the moon floats away

before I fall asleep in hopelessness

anticipating another day.

Kneel near me 

and breathe for once.

I need You "to be"

even when I doubt

to break the neck of my suicide

as I slide  toward hell.

Kneel behind me now

and breathe down my back

like a Spirit who cares.

*Reflections of Jean Sulivan:

  -The truth is that we no longer have the sense that the individual has a personal reality.  You're mortal Filed, spied on, manipulated, the individual is just raw material caught up in a program aimed at the future, based on polls and statistics. He is crammed with false hopes before being painlessly eliminated at dawn, unless he's prettied up in a funeral parlor, the better to deceive others.

  -Besides, people today are often dead before their time, as soon as they leave active life.  Aid programs for the retired, the third world of the elderly - dramatize their abandonment by a society whose purpose is simply growth and pleasure.  The unemployed, too, relegated to non-existence, have a foretaste of humiliation and death.

  -Societies organized in terms of scientific rationality are noting but bookkeeping enterprises.  That's why they fall under  the law of the explainable, of platitudes and boredom.