what happened to me that i died at ten:

too many falls? too many beatings?

too much blood purpling my skin?

hounded by memories ans suppressed rebellions

these pull me down with angers and doubts

i flounder searching for answers to dark queries

carrying me into the cesspools of distrust

into deep gullies of hovering despair

who cursed me with so much pain?

have my eyes failed, darkened by cataracts

blocking any light or hope of redemption?

i stand in the dark night of my soul

searching about for light to clear a path

an entry to a way i need to go

none appears and i knock about on the walls of my failures

stumbe into the debris of my iconic mistakes

claw at the curtains shut in my escape

when will the day of awakening arrive

when the moment of eureka?

i know not but inch along like the blind without a cane

hoping to sense the pitfalls before they suck me in

hoping a voice informs me that the road is straight

that there's a door ahead somewhere

with a crack at its base, where the light sneaks in

and the base boards are loose

and air slithers in to feed a nose

who feels what i feel?

who knows the road i've been on?

is all life bad or an ugly dream

stuffed into attics where musty air clings?

answer me