Don't know

O God what is it I want:

You or some other substitute

some creature needing faith

while blocking You from the frame?

I don't know at times.

I feel lost and abandoned

out on some prairie

with tornadoes whistling round 

to suck me into their mouths

bearing me where I would not go

with You not being around.

Where should I go to expect to arrive:

to a heaven annexed to hell?

I don't know.

I feel companioned

like a psycho talking to himself

or whatever self can be found.

Touch me as I cry.

Let me know You're around

that I might grab some hope

some pole with a flag of truce

white like people who've damned me

assigned me to non-personhood

those year when that was chic.

Turn toward me.

Kneel beside me at the bedside

there where angels weep

and the moon floats by before i sleep 

in hopelessness

awaiting another day.

Kneel near me and breathe for once.

I need You "to be"

even when I doubt

to break the neck of suicide

as I slide toward hell.

Kneel behind me now

and breathe down my back

like the Spirit who cares.